Need Some Green?
by ThunderScythe
Summary: It's St. Patrick's Day and Mirage refuses to wear any of that silly green. Oh Mirage, how foolish of a decision...


He had meant to do it last night but he had been far too tired and getting himself back to pristine conditions was tiring enough with all those branches to pick out. Instead he had just refueled and collapsed onto his berth but now, in the early morning, Mirage made his way down to Jazz's office to drop off his report.

The blue mech figured he would be around and if the arguing coming from behind the door was any indication, he would say that Jazz had already stirred up trouble. With a polite knock and an affirmative, Mirage was granted entry and what he saw made him stop mid step into the room.

"Jazz…what?" He couldn't even begin to describe how odd the mech looked.

Green visor flashed at him playfully and from behind kicked up feet, green rims gleaming at him. "You like Mirage? I got them done yesterday. They're real trendy, I think." Jazz mused as Mirage slowly and delicately made his way over to offer up the datapad.

"Ah, yes, they're…mighty lovely, Jazz."

Prowl, who had straightened up and quieted when Mirage came in, frowned. "They look ridiculous."

"You're just hating, Prowler," Jazz hummed as he looked over the pad and Mirage took that moment to slink off before they began arguing again. He ireally/i didn't want to know.

Task completed, he went down to the rec room to snag himself a cube. Hopefully the morning crowd wouldn't be too noisy, he really didn't want to get a processor ache so soon after coming back from a mission.

Most didn't pay him mind and he was grateful that the overall noise was a gathered murmur. He mused with the thought that the late shifters and morning crowd just didn't mix. Sitting himself at a table he watched the mechs interact as he sipped his energon.

Wheeljack kept trying to pinch Perceptor, who was nose deep in a datapad, and the red mech swatted at him each time he tried leaving the inventor chuckling in good humor. He always mused that Wheeljack liked to tease just a bit too much.

Hoist and Grapple at another table were looking over some blueprints but Grapple kept dozing off, too tired. Hoist would nudge him with his hose and and the mech would jump up with a yelp when a tiny claw would come out and pinch him on the cheek.

Too caught up in watching the others, Mirage didn't notice Bumblebee until the mech pinched his side and he jerked, almost spilling his energon. The yellow mech laughed and plopped down in a seat next to him, grinning.

"Hey Mirage! Where's your green?" Bumblebee asked, twirling a beaded green necklace around his neck.

"Excuse me?" He never wore green. It just didn't look right on him.

"Green! You gotta wear it today!" Bumblebee threw his arms up. "If you don't you get pinched. It's customary."

The blue mech waved his hand dismissively. "That's ridiculous. Why would mechs be pinching each other for not having green on them?"

"Because it's a human holiday today. To respect the tradition you wear green and if you don't you get punished with a pinch." Bumblebee explained and pinched the mech's arm with a smile.

Mirage drew his limbs away from the yellow mech and huffed, "Absolutely absurd!"

"Aww it's all in good fun and it's just for today."

"Is everyone going to be doing this nonsense?" Mirage asked, exacerbated as he held his helm.

"I guess." Bumblebee shrugged, "I will! It's fun!" He reached for Mirage again with his thumb and forefinger, "Pinch, pinch!"

"Agh!" Mirage leaned back into his chair to escape those little fingers. "No thank you Bumblebee. Besides I have to go, I have monitor duty." Downing his cube in a big gulp, he fled the area, the little bug waving cheerfully.

Pinch.

Jerking, Mirage shifted and scooted his chair a bit more to the right.

Pinch.

A sound of frustration left his lips and he scooted his chair a little more to the left.

Ironhide had been the one to oversee monitor duty and after a squabble, had separated the twins, putting Mirage in between them. Sideswipe was donning a green hat on one horn and Sunstreaker had painted the inside of his head fins green, a subtle yet stylish indication that no one was going to be marring his frame with pinch marks.

Mirage on the other hand has had his side, arms, aft and legs marred all shift long and he was about to cut somebot's hand off. Sideswipe reached to pinch him again when Ironhide turned his back to check a screen and Mirage turned, grabbing the mech's wrist and twisting it until something popped and Sideswipe cried out.

Ironhide looked back over to see Sunstreaker glaring at Mirage and Sideswipe holding his limp hand with a mournful look while Mirage dutifully was typing away at his station. Thankfully it was quiet the rest of his shift.

Patrol opted to be less stressful as Tracks thought the whole thing foolish and Mirage knew they would be laughing the entire thing off by the time they got back. However on his way down to the entrance it seemed the Ark's floodgates had been let loose and the halls were crowded with mechs. Pinches attacked him from all over and every angle and Mirage found himself going invisible to hide from it all and slink along the walls.

Their patrol had been going smoothly and Mirage had just about thought that he had left all that nonsense behind him when Skywarp popped in for a visit. The purple seeker had managed to run Tracks off the road and Mirage had just managed to transform before he was face first in the sand.

A large shadow loomed over him and he rolled over to stare into Skywarp's grinning visage. The seeker studied the mech before leaning down low and pinching MIrage right on the aft. The audacity!

"Pinch." Skywarp leered and Mirage found his patience snapping.

Gun suddenly in hand, Mirage stabbed it into a wing and pulled, "Pinch." he retorted, the purple seeker howling before his thrusters activated and sand kicked up a wild dust cloud. When it cleared he found himself Decepticon free and sighed before rubbing his aft sorely.

As he and Tracks entered the Ark hours later covered in sand he was never more grateful to have the sun go down before. The two agreed on washing up first, slapping away hands that dared to get too close by the occasional passer in the hall before entering the wash.

"This day just gets weirder and weirder." Mirage sighed as he cleared himself of the sand.

"iTell/i me about it-" Tracks cut himself off with a screech and Mirage turned around…and stared. "Oh the horror!" Tracks sobbed and Mirage couldn't help but chuckle and put a hand over his mouth to hide his smirk.

"Oh dear Tracks…that's definitely not a good look on you." Mirage supplied and Tracks dropped the tricked soap bottle with a stomped foot.

"You think? Oh this this horrible!" Tracks wailed, trying to wipe away the awful green now smearing across his frame. "This will take forever to get out!"

Mirage finally snickered and Tracks whirled around on him. "Oh yes just laugh it up!"

"My apologizes." Mirage coughed and walked over, "Here, allow me to take the report of our patrol to Prowl so you can stay here and…refresh."

Tracks eyed the blue mech before throwing the datapad at him from subspace. "At least you're somewhat considerate." he grouched before fully focusing on himself.

With an amused shake of his head, Mirage dried off and headed out for Prowl's office, he decided that being invisible would probably be a better option as seeing that Sideswipe had gotten fixed and had gone on a green…streak of pranks.

Slipping up next to Prowl's office door, he knocked politely again and when he was gained acceptance, he slipped into the room before dropping his disruptor. Prowl looked up from a datapad when he didn't see anyone at first and his doorwings flickered slightly when Mirage showed himself.

"You're here because of the patrol, I presume?" Prowl said as he looked back down to the pad in his hands.

"Also it seems the wash racks have been pranked. Tracks went to wash up and got covered in green." Mirage reported as he handed over the datapad and it was then that he noticed the little shamrock sticker on Prowl's chevron. The blue mech stared and when Prowl stared him in the optics he finally caught himself and cleared his vocalizer before leaning back and looking away.

"Thank you. I will have someone go and retrieve Sideswipe momentarily." Prowl said as he up his other datapad before adding Mirage's to a little pile on his desk.

"Ah, pardon me asking but you do know about the…" Mirage tapped his forehelm in emphasis and Prowl just stared at him. "Right." The blue mech continued on after a large moment of silence. "I'll just…have a good day, Prowl." Mirage nodded to him and slowly turned to leave.

He yelped as something pinched his spoiler and he whipped around to see Prowl staring at his datapad innocently. Narrowing his optics suspiciously, Mirage eased his way carefully out the room, fleeing for his quarters.

Prowl finally managed a small little smirk and a twitch of his doorwings.

When he reached his quarters, Mirage couldn't type in his code fast enough. This day was so bizarre that he never wanted to live through another like it for as long as he could remember. The door beeped and he ran inside and smacked the lock, leaning against the door with a large sigh, optics offline. Finally, somewhere that he could call a safe haven.

"Oh hey Mirage." Hound spoke cheerfully.

Mirage smiled without looking, taking in that wonderful sound. "Hello Hound. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. I was almost drawn to madness today by all the insanity."

There was a pause of silence and then a shuffle. "Oh, is that so?"

"Indeed. After all that I had to experience what I want to do right now is just cuddle up and recharge."

"Oh hey that sounds dandy!" Hound shuffled some more before grunting. "Just, just stay right there for a moment and then we can do that."

Mirage frowned before powering up his optics, "Hound, what in all the universe are you-"

"Mirage." Hound started, grinning sheepishly, "C'mon Mirage I can explain."

Mirage narrowed his optics. "Hound what is all this?"

Hound shrugged helplessly and shifted from foot to foot. "Well you know, Bee likes to give out presents and since I'm the greenest mech on base other mechs like giving me gifts too and then Spike and Carly…"

"Hound." Mirage stated a bit too calmly. "I'm going to offline my optics and count to ten. When I power them back online, all that better be gone."

Hound glanced at the berth full of St. Patrick's Day items and the half attempted bag of more items shoved under the berth before looking back to Mirage and slumping his shoulders.

"Can I at least keep the giant stuffed green bear?" Hound pleaded.

"One…"


End file.
